Just a little tip. If you walk into a bathroom and it smells like #2, but the toilet is clean, it's time to panic. At that point, you can only pray that the damage is minimal.
Another tip. If the first tip has you on your guard and you see a chewed-up Snickers bar in the sink, it's probably not a Snickers.
Many of you may not know this about me, but I have an extreme aversion and possibly irrational phobia of fecal matter, aka poop. I absolutely hate it. I was the 5th of 6 kids and until two years ago, I had never changed a diaper. I have managed not to change a diaper since. That's right, the only diaper I ever changed was Brianna's night diaper when she was 18 months old. As you could probably predict, things did not go well with that fateful event. Let it suffice to say that when I went to get Brianna the next morning, she was standing up naked in the crib waving her diaper around victoriously like a trophy. Soaking bed, soaking blankets, poop everywhere. Kill me now.
In other news. . .
Catherine and I spent the day together with Brianna. Does anybody else know about the brilliance of IKEA? If all you're looking to do is kill some time (this drives me crazy to say), take your kids to IKEA. Coming from Alpine, you've got a decent drive, and your kids will fall asleep if you play Norah Jones. IKEA is awesome because they have a free daycare playground where you can check your kids in for an hour, you can get a Mac and Cheese meal for $1, and you can wander the IKEA labyrinth dreaming up all of the things you would buy if you owned a house. Brianna only made it about 15 minutes in the playground before she'd had enough, but IKEA supplies each parent with a buzzer (like at Chile's or Cheesecake Factory) and we took her through the Children's section to see secret passages, child hammocks, crazy ugly stuffed animals, and scented candles instead. Simply brilliant!
I spent the afternoon carting the boys around town. Piano lessons, primary practice, and scouts. I don't even bother closing the garage anymore :). Luckily, I get to cruise around in a BMW 540, so it can get pretty exciting.
I would write more about the day, but dealing with the poop incident has traumatized my recollection of the evening altogether :) I'm feeling a little confused about how little people make sense of the world right now. Exhibit A. Poop goes in the toilet, not the sink. Not too much to negotiate there. When do kids learn analogies?
hands : sink ; poop : ???
5 comments:
Rich! I am loving this! You'll have to tell me more about the poop in the sink in person... this is hilarious! I needed a break from wrapping Axiom's 250 client gifts... and this was the perfect relief! Well, I think that you're doing a fantastic job... and your stories crack me up! So... do you remember a few years ago (before you got married) you dreamed of being a father of 10?! You said, and I quote, "I need to marry someone who is young because I want to have 10 kids." What are your thoughts on the matter now!? :)
hello my dear, this is april... i hope it is okay I added you! well I hope you are doing well, I am sad to hear that you are not living out my way anymore, but that is okay:)
richard this is hilarious i am laughing out loud. i'm going to send it to jay at work so he can get a good laugh!
Wow, I can't tell you the number of times Adri and I have had the discussion about where poop goes. She knows what to tell me every single time, "Poop goes in the potty." She even scolds her dolls and asks THEM where poop goes. When it comes to actually going poop in the potty, well, some kids just have a problem following through. Sigh . . .
H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.!!!!!!!!!!!
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